Life likes to throw you curve balls, and sometimes people like to sweep the rug of stability out from under your feet. That's what being an adult is all about, right?
I've always been a woman with a plan. I plan this, I plan that, I plan, plan, plan. Every once in a while, a plan does work out. For example, after hours, days, weeks and months of planning, our wedding was fabulous. Nothing went wrong. However most of the time my plans don't follow their outlined schedule. For example, I wanted to move to college, get a degree in nursing, never get married, become a flight nurse, and travel the world. Obviously that plan did not work out AT ALL. (And quite frankly, thank God it didn't.) I'm glad I married my husband because he's the one who understands that life doesn't go exactly as we plan it to. And, unlike me, he doesn't have a mental stress breakdown when life changes.
The latest plan has been in place for a while now. As you all know, I graduate in May. The plan was that I would work the summer in the library upstairs with the administration and downstairs in the copy center. The hours would be there and the pay would be the same as it has been. My boss has been telling me for months that it would be ok for me to work in the library, even though my time as a student would be done. HR on campus had a supposed policy against student workers staying on after they graduated, but our dean of the library disregarded it. I have known countless library workers who had graduated but worked the summer in the library. It's a nice cushion, to know that you still have a job but can spend the summer traveling around interviewing.
...Well, on Tuesday my boss for my admin job (who I love and adore, by the way, and still do even though she kind of ruined our plan) decided to jerk the cushion out from underneath me. She said that she looked at the HR policy again and unfortunately, there really is no way I can work after I graduate.
I won't have a job during the summer.
As soon as I walk across that stage, I will be jobless.
I'm not going to be able to help support my husband and myself.
No job.
No money.
Bills to pay, shit to do.
(Trev and I also just starting to talk about getting a car loan, selling my car, and getting me something newer and more reliable; so much for that plan. Can't get a loan if you can't make payments.)
*insert lots and lots of tears here*
I know, I know, people lose their jobs. And in this economy, especially in Cedar City, I'm very blessed and lucky to have a job. Trevor has a job to support us. Plus I'm graduating with a bachelor's degree, so getting a job should be easy. Right?
...Right?
It's not the best feeling in the world to not have a plan.
This week's been rough. I've spent a lot of time online, researching jobs, shedding tears, and panicking. I didn't expect my jobs to last forever - after all, they are student worker jobs. But I liked the feeling of the cushion. This week I'm grateful for my boss in the copy center who's let me cry to her, and who's told me that we'll figure something out. I'm grateful for an extraordinary professor who I know I can talk to about my future *coming faster than I thought it would be* career. I'm grateful for communication major friends who feel the same anxiety I do, and grateful that we're able to talk everything out. But above all, I'm glad that one plan of mine did work out and that I married my sweet husband. I'm so grateful for Trevor who is so optimistic and supportive and who knows that everything will be alright. I'm blessed that he is able to put up with my tears and my stress and my anxiety. He's the best thing in my life, and always will be.
Here's to taking leaps of faith and relying on my husband.
(Oh, here's to an awesome fall break.)
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