To the man who I'll never meet.

What an odd title for a post, right?

November 14: It's just been one of those weeks, I guess; you know, that week that only rolls around after someone has died that makes you stop and think about life and makes you feel grateful for those who are still here, and remember those who have passed. As Trevor and I went to go and get our laundry from the laundry room tonight, we noticed a little family walking to their car. The father was holding the little boy who was eagerly pointing up at the stars saying, "Look! Look!" in an excited voice. The father was laughing and said, "Yes son, isn't it beautiful?" I couldn't help but get little tingles of excitement as I watched Trevor's face as he watched this little moment between father and son. Trevor's biggest goal in life - besides marrying an awesome wife, which we all know he accomplished ;) - is to be a dad. No, we can't afford having children right now and no, we're not ready for them, but someday when we have kids I know that Trevor is going to put his heart and soul into being a father. And I can't help but be grateful today for the man who planted in Trev's brain at a young age that being a father is the most important thing a man could do.

As most of you know, Trevor's dad was killed in a helicopter crash February 28, 2001. Robert was a pilot for St. Mary's Hospital in Grand Junction, Colorado, and was out on a routine maintenance flight when the helicopter crashed into an open field. Trev was almost eight years old and living with his mom and Aubrey in Cedar City. Now, I don't know about all of you, but I don't remember a lot about my time as an eight year old. Trevor on the other hand has a fantastic memory (I'm not kidding you, he remembers the weirdest stuff sometimes!) and even though it's been 13 years since his dad's death, Trevor still has a clear image of his dad and special memories that he shared with Robert. He might not be able to remember the little things, like what his dad's voice sounded like or what he smelled like (all dads have a particular smell, I'm telling you!) but he remembers playing hide and seek with his dad and his brothers and sister, and Robert ended up hiding in Grandma's tree. Trevor remembers his dad getting down on all fours to play with him. Trevor remembers how fun his dad was to be around, even if sometimes he had a temper. Trevor remembers going to the movies with his dad, and now each one of those movies that they saw together are special to my husband. Trevor remembers a lot of things about his dad, but most of all he remembers how his dad loved each and every one of his kids, and how they were his pride and joy. Being a good father was important to Robert, and that's something he instilled in Trevor, even at the age of eight.

 

Robert, Trevor, and Grandma Green-Wade in Colorado with Robert's helicopter

Sometimes I like to imagine what it would be like today if Robert was still here. I try to think about what kind of childhood Trevor would have had. Would he still have turned out to be the big teddy bear of a man that I fell in love with, or more like his older brothers? Would Robert have liked me? Would he live here, in Cedar City, maybe remarried, and would he be a good grandpa? I drive Trev nuts with these "what if" questions, but sometimes a girl gets curious! I am so thankful for the pictures that we do have of Robert, and of Robert and Trevor, and the small trinkets we have. Grandma Wade gave us Robert's tie tac, which is now fondly sitting next to a picture of him. Even though I never got a chance to meet him, and won't get a chance to meet him until I'm dead and gone, I'm grateful for the man who taught my husband to be a good father someday. Because that, my friends, is something that all men don't truly understand and appreciate.